Wednesday, January 21, 2009

on things that move me and nickles and dimes

I love things that move me.

Sometimes it’s that glint of sunshine on my windowpane in the morning when all I had expected was a cloudy sky. Other times it is passionate conversation of politics, spirituality, feeding the hungry and seeing places far-off and foreign. Lately I have found that, more often than not, it is my life that is moving me and making me feel deeply more than anything else.

Granted, I am learning what it truly means to be your run-of-the-mill college student who pays for gasoline with quarters (and occasionally a handful of dimes that warrants a glare from the attendant). Despite sorting through every stash of change I can manage to find, my gas tank is usually no more than a bit above empty, and in my waking hours I am finding myself on campus more than in my apartment. I don’t have more than thirty dollars to my name (though if my negative balances and loans were reversed I would be very well-off for quite some time). I have yet to finish unpacking the daunting task that is my new bedroom, and there is always the voice screaming in the back of my mind that I should be picking up more shifts at work, getting another job, making more time for friends or even just for myself and my own heart.

But I cannot recall feeling this contented and learned and just… well, happy, in such a very long time. Using the word ‘happy’ feels like such a copout. In Spanish, I think it sounds more beautiful. Happiness. Felicidad. Finalmente, he encontrado felicidad. Finally, I have found happiness. Granted, happiness is an emotion and it is fleeting, and tomorrow I may be a thousand miles away from that sporadic feeling, but this week, this month, this moment and today… I have found it. I can rest in that.

I think if I would have stayed on the straight and narrow of academia – gone straight to school and skipped out on Europe, travel and other nomadic activities (and not instilled the fear in my parents that I would become a career-waitress and never recognize my potential) – I would not love school nearly as much or as profoundly.

I love my major. I love it a little more every time I walk through the Admin and see staff that is happy to see me and wave hello. I love that it feels like I have a support network and a family of sorts. I love that every class I have is filled with open eyes and open hearts that crave the things that I do… travel, feeding the hungry, adventure, compassion, politics, foreign cultures and languages. I love walking on campus when traces of snow still linger at the foot of the fading brick buildings, and I love it when I run into familiar faces that I somehow know after just a single semester here. I love that I am too busy to be stagnant and complacent. I am thankful that my classes are already challenging beliefs and my preconceived notions of the world, inviting me to become well-rounded and aware. I love that I am in a relationship that allows me to be busy unapologetically, that he and I can be content sitting in the same room together but focusing on essays and reading textbooks.

I am thankful for today. My eyes were heavy most of the day (much like they are right now, but that’s what I get for waking up two hours early to watch the inauguration), and I spent three hours in a library before trotting off to class, but I came home to a warm apartment that already has the personality of a home, and a roommate that I love living with so far. I have small quantities of food to eat when I wake up in the morning. I start work again tomorrow after a full day of classes. I will wake up bright and early, and probably be exhausted by the time I throw my keys on my desk after walking in the door.

It has the possibility of sounding like a drag, especially with my less-than-avid description, but my life has structure and purpose and meaning. That in itself makes it a thousand times easier to pull myself out of bed in the morning. I have lectures that I don’t want to miss, assignments to conquer, a man that I love spending time with, and a fireplace to curl up next to when I get home.

Life doesn’t get much better than mine is right now.

God, thanks for today. I loved it.


Amanda Marie said...

You're pretty brilliant Dayna. I am inspired by you.

Just so you know. *wink*

Dayna said...

aw. thanks lovey. you are fantastic also.

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