Friday, January 4, 2008

on crying out

Do not turn a deaf ear to me
or ignore the pleadings of my heart.
For all in all, I only want to be near to You.
To soak you in
to breathe you in like the something beautiful that You are.
But my actions they speak of some other wantings
the wantings of the humanity in me
that I've come to know so well.
How can I lay the world aside
in exchange for something greater?
How can I push aside the worthless wine and sleepless nights
in exchange for the childlike faith I once knew?
The days of my youth, while still somewhat here
are fleeing me faster
than ever before
and chasing after them is beginning to feel
more and more fruitless and
Bring me back to the days when I knew Your Words
and chased Your thoughts.
When all I wanted was to feel
my heart beating in sync with Your own.
Some people say that
knowing You is only in my head - a psychological deity
to sooth the depths of my lonliness...... the humanness I feel.
But something in me knows that it's all a lie.
Something screams within me that I need You
that You are the blood in my veins
the pathway to my heart
the Creator of my soul
the only spiritual substance that can satisfy.
All the things in this world I have tasted
have only left me wanting -the human caress
another emptied bottle
praises of men
academic achievement
or musical success.
It's all worthless you see.
Proclaim off the rooftops that my Jesus
is a manmade deity, a figment of my imagination
or a storybook hero.
Claim all you want that the Bible
is interpreted and innaccurate
is flawed and fallible
is inapplicable and imagined by man.
People can claim whatever and whichever they choose
but un-erased is the way I felt alive
the way that I moved and breathed
when You and when I were one and the same.
Explain that away, you who doubt.
His love is the greatest thing there is.
It's greater than your one night stands
it's bigger than your ocean of need
it blows away all preconceived notions of life and love
in all of their mystery.
Yes, I am a hypocrite.
a human, a liar, a worthless rag
-as we all seem to have become -
yes I will claim the Word but I will fall
and I will fail.
But the fault you find in me will not be found
in the One who is without fault.
And regardless of who and what you turn your life over to
He will love you the same.
If you are looking for perfection and a lack of hypocrisy
stop looking behind church doors
it is, after all, made up by people who are flawed and fallible.
I won't lie and say that I'm never far
from where I need to be
because lately it seems like that's the only place I am from Him.
God, when You feel far away from me
who moved? who relocated?
It was me.
I gave you up and my walls broke down
and the world of alcohol
and lonely sleepless nights crept into my routine.
Save me from my own ambition.
Save me from my aspirations.
Save me from thinking I'm immune to failure.
and take me back to the place when You were all I needed.

Because it's true
and You are all that I need.

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