Monday, January 21, 2008

on falling leaves and the evidence of grace

[something I found from September 21, 2007, that I found strangely true today... only replace 'leaves' with 'snow.']

The sun shone today.

Fall is coming, and it's evident in the cooler air and in the way leaves twirl in the breeze on the sidewalk. There is something beautiful about this season, and everything it represents. The old is being shed to the ground to wither away, never again to weigh down the tired branches. And while evident that a winter will come, the spring will come with life that is new and fresh. Abundant. I am ready for the struggle, and even more ready for the spring.

I have been discovering God in the most abstract and unthinkable ways lately. He is in the air. He is in conversation over gourmet coffee in a dim room. He is in relationships, and the skip in my steps. My relationship with Him is becoming, in every aspect, a sacred romance. For the first time, I realize that my name is not Deserted or Alone. It is Pursued. Sought After. Captivated. Captivating.

I am learning to listen instead of talk. To open my eyes and ears instead of my mouth. To give thanks and seek His feet before seeking the hands that give me so much blessing. To seek relationship and not rules or religion. And I am learning that everything good and true in my life, has not come from me at all. That the goodness of my life and my legacy will never depend on the good that I myself have done.

I was given a beautiful image and picture in my mind this week, and it is this: I don't have to perfect myself before moving towards God. I don't have to make sure I am 'right' or 'clean' in His presence. I don't have to take care of things, and then move In... instead, I move In, and those things that weigh me down, and the things that have become my struggles will be stripped away. Wiped clean.

Praise God it doesn't depend on me.

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