another sleepless night

June 19, 2006

Sleepless nights always keep me awake.

I know that sounds sort of redundant, but when I am already awake at an indecent hour of the night (or morning in some cases), I am already thinking about so many things and people and situations, and just life... so much that my head is spinning. It just makes it impossible to get any good rest at all.

Someone told me today, "Dayna if your life was to be lived in a straight line.. you know, the 'four year' school plan, and knowing exactly where you want to be a year from now... just like everybody else seems to be doing... I don't think you'd be happy. Now, we know that the shortest distance from one place to another is a straight line. But in your case, the journey getting there matters as much to you, if not more, than where you end up in the end."

I would have to agree.

I know that I'm looked down upon a lot by people I know (not all, mind you but a good portion) as just having no goals, and not knowing where I want to end up because I'm apathetic towards living life. People think this because I go to community college. Because I haven't picked a specific major. Because I don't go to a four year like most of the 'upstanding citizens' of my generation (not downing on people that go to those at all, because some of the finest people I know are taking that track, and are loving it, and they totally made the right decision).

But she's right. I want to enjoy the journey.

The days. The moments. The small things. The walk in the sunshine from Ruby's to Starbucks every morning. Getting to go work out with my beautiful sister. Having a new chance every day to start over. I'm not saying it's impossible to enjoy these things by following that straight path. I just mean that for me, I want getting there and finding out where I'm going to be half the fun. I have goals: to be the best I can wherever I'm at. To continue writing. To keep singing. But to be honest, knowing what job I want to end up with in four years is the least of my worries.

Just because I spend my days at Ruby's doesn't mean I'm going to be waiting tables forever. Just because I don't follow a four year plan doesn't mean I'm not going places. I am going places.