Sunday, December 9, 2007

there's something about california

Feb. 19, 2007

There is something beautiful about the way the sun sets in California. I don't know if it's the palm trees, the smog, or just my imagination, but it's true.

There's something hopeful there; you can drive around aimlessly with the mountains beside you and sun sinking behind the L.A. skyline, and know that when all is said and done, you're going to be okay. Life will go on. The way your relationships come and go does not always reflect who you are as a person. And even if thinking all that isn't enough, you can look out your window at a passing palm tree and say, "Screw it, I'm in California, it's 85 in FebruaryĆ¢€¦ what else matters?" Then take a moment to laugh at yourself because you sound shallow and uneducated (but you still know that it's true).

I'm not going to lie; life for me lately has been a little less than beautiful.

Life throws you a curve, and all of a sudden everything you had planned out is now unscripted and improvised. But I think the moments and days I live for, are the ones when I realize that life isn't about beauty, it's about perspective. It's not about your petty struggles or the way your last relationship ended. The best thing about it all? That it's not all about you. Not at all. In fact, no matter how many mistakes you make today, or how many people break your heart or let you down, the world will turn tomorrow.

You can either let that depress you because you feel like you aren't the center of attention, or you can look at it like I do. If the rest of the world is still functioning, so can you. Most of the world knows what it's like to love and be let down. You're not alone.

If nothing else, and if it's not about being in California, then that's why my sunsets are beautiful lately.

I know that there are millions of people out there looking for the same things that I am, searching for a heart that beats the same way. Trying to find someone to understand you in all your imperfections and dreams; trying to be someone more than just a face in a crowd. I guess I find comfort in knowing that right now, someone else is wide-eyed awake wanting what I want. They are unsettled, just like me.

Even though what I have in life now is not what I always thought it would be, I wouldn't trade where I'm at for anywhere else. What I have is beautiful, and it's an adventure, it's an opportunity to make a life for myself somewhere new, and it may be far from ordinary, but it is mine.

And that's all I could ask for.