the last chapter of tour

Nov. 30, 2005

Sunday night.

The source of so many fears and beginnings and endings and unknowns.

Our last concert. Our last night together. We will sing 'Let the Glory Come Down' for the last time, and the lights will dim, and fade away, and we will laugh, and cry, and stay up all night wishing we had another three months to relive this adventure that is somehow ending so soon.

I am excited to go home. But so much ends on Sunday night. So much of me will be missing after that day.

Because these other 22 people have been my life for three whole months... they have been the ones I eat with, sleep with, cry with, pray with, and live with for what seems like forever. Like we were meant to be family since Day 1 back in LA at rehearsal camp in September.

Together we have changed lives. We have traveled the world... from the streets of Philly to the packed out concerts in Spain; from LA to New York, from Seattle to Switzerland. Sharing every memory, every moment, and sometimes even our sack lunches... we have just always been together. As tour comes to a close, I'm hoping we can hold on.

Every night for 16 weeks, we have run up onstage, and performed. Some nights were filled with enthusiasm, and inspiration, and fun, and others were trying, and challenging, and beyond what we thought ourselves capable of. Sometimes we would perform encores... sometimes there would be 6 people in our audience. But we pulled through, and overcame challenges, and became better and stronger people because of it.

I've decided that I will miss tour infinitely more than I thought I would initially.

To know that only four days remain of this life changing adventure is a haunting thing. Trying to remember everything - every memory, every picture, every inside joke. I can look back and see things that I would change if I could... my attitude sometimes, my wishing time away, and my wanting to have alone time so badly, and things like that... but I look back and also see how I have changed. How I am not just existing... but truly living. How I am no longer as concerned with how my friends treat me... but with how I can treat them first. How my worth isn't found in the logos on my shirts, or how stylish or tan I am (even though I miss it very much)... but in the content of my character.

Tour has changed me. Has changed all of us. Even if it's in subtle ways, we are all different.

Finally, we are all united. One love. One Body. One mission. And nothing else could matter more.